MontyMail Newsletter

MontyMail Newsletter Volume III, Issue 3

2005-06-01T22:23:58Z


Volume III, Issue 3 June 1, 2005 In this issue of MontyMail: Monty Speaks Yes, monkeys can talk.. the problem is getting them to stop X2 is Coming The airlock doors are opening in June BMS 2005 Updated We actually found a place to put MORE burning Wingnuts 2 ? The squadrons are still forming Monkey Chuckles Monty says: Is that a banana in your pocket?! I'm happy to see you! In case you haven't visited in a while... Freeverse.com Your source for premium games via the Internet Freeverse News The latest news, instantly Freeverse Downloads Grab some more games to try Freeverse Forums Chat about our stuff! Talkback Write to us. We don't bite. We may even print your e-mail in another issue. Monty@freeverse.com Subscribe Did someone forward this message to you? Save them some time! Enter your e-mail address below to get MontyMail in your inbox! Our Privacy Policy: We will never sell, rent, lend, or give away your e-mail address to anyone for any reason. We will only use this e-mail address for MontyMail. Files These streams of ones and zeroes are just itching to find a home on your computer! Airburst Extreme (Mac) Big Bang Board Games (Mac) BumperCar 2.0 (Mac) Burning Monkey Mahjong 2 (Mac) Burning Monkey Solitaire 2005 (Mac) Kill Monty (Mac) KnightShift (Mac) Massive Assault (Mac) Robin Hood (Mac) ToySight Gold (Mac)	Monty Speaks: Hi everyone! In my position as Freeverse spokesmonkey, I'm often asked questions like, "when is X2: The Threat going to be released? When are you going to add more games to Burning Monkey Solitaire? When are you going to stop fooling with that diaper?" Well, I can tell you with some small authority that the answer to at least one of those questions is "probably never." I'll be answering the other two questions a little later in this harangutan.... What really sets Freeverse apart from other game companies, (other than its fixation on rhesus over revenue and hanky over panky), is its decade-long commitment to butchering the spanish language. That commitment continues today with Freeverse's Friday afternoon Jose Feliciano office sing-alongs, with Coochie-Coochie Tuesdays, (which I wont describe), and now, with the release of JARED: El Widgeto! That's right, the infamous Jared: Butcher of Song is now available as a widget for Mac OS 10.4, (or "Tiger" as Mary Jane Watson calls it). Jared has long been an affront to the senses, an insult to the diatonic scale, an inappropriate "yo-mama" joke told over-loud at the elegant dinner party of internet culture, but never has Jared been as much of a waste of hard drive space as he is as a widget. On the plus side, Jared is yellow. I'm fond of yellow. Oh, and he's free. So head on over to our Jared page and download him. You'll be sorry you did! Always on your dashboard, Monty Monty Zuma Official Spokesmonkey Freeverse Software back to top X2: The Threat is coming in June! Pre-order a copy now and get free shipping! X2 : The Threat is finally getting prepped for launch and will be landing at your doorsteps very soon. Fly through the vast reaches of the Universe, trading, fighting and building along the way. This is by far one of the biggest games Freeverse has ever offered, and we guarantee X2 will offer up tons of gaming hours. Acquire new, better ships and gigantic space stations Upgrade your weapons, armors, shields, radar, and more Become a financial mogul, securing all the best routes for your imports and exports Fire rounds of laser blasts into the hulls of enemy ships Explore hundreds of planets and starsystems Rule space and more in X2! Links : X² - The Threat Webpage back to top Burning Monkey Solitaire 2005 Updated Burning Monkey Solitaire 2005 Update 1 is ready for download! Note that this is ONLY and update for owners of BMS 2005. It will not update previous version (BMS 3, etc). New features include: 2 New Games - "Spider" and "Tri-Towers" Tiger(10.4) friendly Various other bug fixes Click to download the update. Links : Burning Monkey Solitaire 2005 Webpage back to top Wingnuts 2 Progress Yup, we are still tinkering away at Wingnuts 2. It's sure to be much more nutty and....um... wingy(?) than the last! Thanks for your patience, and keep looking towards the skies! ( aka Freeverse.com for news updates ) Links : Wingnuts Webpage back to top Monkey Chuckles Jokes What do you call a fish with no eyes? - Fsh What does human get by crossing parrot with catapiller? - A walkie talkie ------------------------------------------- Submit your own jokes at BURNINGMONKEY.COM: http://burningmonkey.com:16080/joke/
MontyMail is Copyright 2002-2005 Freeverse Software. Forwarding to close friends and colleagues is encouraged. Forwarding to large mailing lists probably helps us, but is not recommended. To unsubscribe from MontyMail, just follow this link: http://dev.freeverse.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi?f=u&l=news&e=example@example.com&p=1234 Click the link, or copy and paste the address into your browser.

MontyMail, Volume II, Issue 2

2004-03-01T21:55:18Z

Volume II, Issue 2
February 30, 2004

In this issue of MontyMail:

Monty Speaks
I should have been a Viking

Northland Now Shipping
The Vikings want to obey your commands

ToySight Reviewed in Washington Post
Huzzah!

3D Card Games Updated
New features. Download an upgrade.

More Updates
X-Words, Crosscards, ToySight, and more...

What's Jen Cookin'?
Culturally Confused Pork Chops

Freeverse Tip
Freefalling in Toysight

Monkey Chuckles

Monty says:

It is easier to think of clever, boring things to say than it is to think of things that are both clever, relevant, and sufficiently brief that an interested reader might find it humorous; indeed, the lost art of writing these one-liners is truly on life support.

In case you haven't visited in a while...

Freeverse.com
Your source for premium games via the Internet

Freeverse News
The latest news, instantly

Freeverse Downloads
Grab some more games to try

Freeverse Forums
Chat about our stuff!

Talkback

Write to us. We don't bite. We may even print your e-mail in another issue.
monty@freeverse.com

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New Files

These streams of ones and zeroes are just itching to find a home on your computer!

ToySight 1.0.1 (Mac)
Burning Monkey Mah Jong Solitaire 1.1 (Mac)
X-Words Deluxe 3.0.4 (Mac)
Crosscards 3.0.4 (Mac)
Solace 1.0.45 Win (Mac)
Solace 1.0.45 (Win)
Backgammon Deluxe 1.0 (Mac)
Burning Monkey Solitaire 3.0.1 (Mac)
Burning Monkey Casino Demo 1.0 (Mac)
Burning Monkey Casino Demo 1.0 (Win)
Active Lancer 1.0.1 Demo (Mac)
Chess Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
4 in a Row Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
7th Fleet Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
Checkers Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
Go Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
Mancala Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
Reversi Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
Tic Tac Toe Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac)
Wingnuts: Temporal Navigator 1.2.5 Demo (Mac)

Monty Speaks: I Should Have Been a Viking

Dear Readers,

I have found my true calling in life.

I was supposed to be a Viking, not a monkey.

I've been playing Northland for about a week now, while the Freeverse team has been moving the office. (Same bulding, but different floor, in case you were wondering.) They were moving each piece of furniture, including the desk that my G5 was sitting on.

But I was playing Northland.

They moved my desk anyway, and I was still telling the Vikings what to do. They took my chair, and I sat on the floor and kept sticking it to Loki's minions. Eventually, I was the only one in the room, and the office had been moved downstairs.

They ended up having to buy 10 chocobagels to pull me away from Northland. While I was eating the bagels, they moved the G5 downstairs to the new office. As soon as I had downed the bagels, you can probably guess what I was doing next.

I was playing Northland.

See you next time,

Monty Zuma
Official Spokesmonkey
Freeverse Software

Northland Shipping

Newly arrived from Europe, and now available for the first time in North America for the Macintosh, Freeverse is proud to present Northland, an exciting, visually rich real-time strategy game by Funatics Software.

Northland challenges you to take control of a group of Vikings, and develop your town while meeting the needs of your denizens. Unlike other real-time strategy games, each character in the village has a name. You can leave the Vikings to fulfill their own desires, or micromanage them into jobs and marriages. By developing a village, the Vikings can mount an offensive against the minions of Loki.

Northland received the PC Action Gold Award and the PC Extreme Silver rating in Europe, and was called "the cutest buildup game to ever grace the Macintosh" in the November 2003 issue of the German magazine, Mac Life. Find out what they're raving about by picking it up at your favorite Apple reseller, or directly from the Freeverse Store.

Official Northland Page:
http://www.northland-game.com/

ToySight Reviewed in Washington Post

ToySight, our collection of games and toys you play by moving in front of your Mac, was reviewed by The Washington Post on January 16!

ToySight features a dozen interactive games and toys for one or two players. Instead of using a joystick, mouse, or keyboard, you maneuver in front of an iSight or other FireWire camera (such as a DV camcorder) to control the action. See yourself on the game screen, and use your arms to play.

Unfortunately, the Washington Post only keeps 2 weeks' worth of content on its website, so we can't link to the story. We can tell you that the reviewer, Kevin Savetz, said it "makes Apple's iSight webcam useful even when nobody you know is online." He also called it "...just right, offering fun for adults or kids."

Thousands of you have already visited Apple's Trailer Site to see the trailer, identifying how cool it is.

You can get your own copy of ToySight at Apple resellers and at the Freeverse Store at a suggested retail price of US $34.95.

Official Toysight Page:
http://www.toysight.com/

3D Card Games Updated

The Macintosh versions of our 3D Card Games, 3D Spades Deluxe, 3D Hearts Deluxe, 3D Bridge Deluxe, 3D Euchre Deluxe, and 3D Pitch/Setback Deluxe, have been revised to version x.3.

New features include:

Bot auto-substitution during network play when a player drops
Speech synthesis
Support for XML-based puppets, which are up to 50% smaller at the same quality compared to the previous versions
Numerous usability enhancements
Reduced CPU and resource usage
New game rules options for Spades and Hearts

There are other changes too numerous to mention; if you want to know specifically what is going on, please check out Dan's post of the entire changelist to the Freeverse News forum.

Download 3D Spades Deluxe 3.3 for Macintosh

Download 3D Hearts Deluxe 7.3 for Macintosh

Download 3D Bridge Deluxe 2.3 for Macintosh

Download 3D Euchre Deluxe 2.3 for Macintosh

Download 3D Pitch/Setback Deluxe 2.3 for Macintosh

Official 3D Card Games page:
http://www.3dcardgames.com/

More updates

X-Words Deluxe and CrossCards, our popular tile arrangement games, were both updated to version 3.0.4. The newer versions fix bugs, and offer a number of other refinements.

Toysight 1.0.1 adds NTSC (North American, Japanese, etc) television system compatibility, support for multiple input video systems, and another of other fixes.

Burning Monkey Mah Jong Solitaire 1.1 adds a number of new features to the popular tile-matching game: a new layout browser, a 40% speed boost, and a number of other tweaks and fixes.

Download these patches today!

Download ToySight 1.0.1 for Macintosh
Download Burning Monkey Mah Jong Solitaire 1.1 for Macintosh
Download X-Words Deluxe 3.0.4 for Macintosh

What's Jen Cookin'?

Hi again!

I like pork. It's tasty, and it comes from pigs.

That's why I have been experimenting with ways to make it. Lots of people like to coat their pork chops in hot sauce, but some people don't like hot foods. So, I found this great recipe for an almost Asian-tasting pork chop.

Culturally Confused Pork Chops

Qty	Ingredient
2	pork chops
1/8 cup	soy sauce
1/8 cup	honey
1 Tablespoon	lemon juice
1/2 Tablespoon	dijon mustard
1 teaspoon	corn starch or flour
1/2 teaspoon	dark sesame oil
some	pepper
1 clove	garlic, minced

You can see why I say it's almost Asian. It's got soy sauce and sesame oil in it.

The first step is to make the sauce by combining all the non-pork ingredients in a pan and mixing them. Boil them for 2 minutes, or until you have a thick-looking brown sauce.

Now take half of this sauce, and set it aside. Spread the other half of the sauce on both sides of your pork chops, and broil them in an oven. (Broiling means to heat them from above. Use the broil setting on your oven if you're not sure.)

Do each side for eight minutes, unless it looks like the eight minutes will burn the pork, in which case, throw it out and try again with a shorter broiling time.

When the pork is ready, you can spread the leftover sauce onto it. Serve it with some white rice. If you want an even more crazy cultural confusion, serve it with a fortune cookie.

Like this recipe? Forward it to a friend!

Freeverse Tip: Burning Monkey Solitaire!

Try entering these codes into Burning Monkey Solitaire 3 to reveal easter eggs:

tomato
joost
carlos

To find out more game codes, visit BurningMonkey.com today!

Monkey Chuckles

Monty, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

Monty was saving for an iPod Mini, so he asked for only fifty dollars. The man agreed, and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.

The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does that monkey realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."

A short time later, Monty came to the door to collect his money.

"You're finished already?" the homeowner asked.

"Yes," Monty answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the monkey added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Monty and Herb the Singing Gorilla went to Alaska, where the local monkeys challenged them to an ice-fishing contest.

Monty and Herb went out to the ice with their fishing poles and caught no fish. Meanwhile, the local monkeys were reeling in bucket after bucket of fish.

Finally, Monty rushed over to the other monkeys to find out their secret for catching so many fish. When he discovered how they do it, he ran back to Herb, shouting,

"A hole! We're supposed to make a hole in the ice first!"

Monty was trying to sell his old car. He was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.

One day, he was talking to the loan shark from the Burning Monkey Casino about his problem. The loan shark replied, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Monty, "if I can only sell the car."

"Okay," said the unsavory fellow. "Here is the e-mail address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop on the outside of town, just past the casinos. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."

The following weekend, Monty made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the loan shark asked him, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied Monty, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

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MontyMail, Volume I, Issue 10

2003-12-05T16:23:29Z


Volume I, Issue 10 December 5, 2003 In this issue of MontyMail: Monty Speaks (as he usually does) ToySight Goes Gold Get your camera ready, and preorder now! Burning Monkey Casino Shipping Don't forget to split the 8s and Aces! order now! X-Words Deluxe and CrossCards 3.0 Ship Now with Internet Play - order today! Introducing BumperCar Don't let your kids browse without it. Freeverse Gift Guide Make your list, and check it twice! Solace Updated to 1.0.4 Grab the patch What's Jen Cookin'? GuacoTaco Freeverse Tip The Weapon Systems of Active Lancer, part II Monkey Chuckles Monty says: Jen only thinks I am her pet. I'm really her watcher. In case you haven't visited in a while... Freeverse.com Your source for premium games via the Internet Freeverse News The latest news, instantly Freeverse Downloads Grab some more games to try Freeverse Forums Chat about our stuff! Talkback Write to us. We don't bite. We may even print your e-mail in another issue. monty@freeverse.com Subscribe Did someone forward this message to you? Save them some time! Enter your e-mail address below to get MontyMail in your inbox! Our Privacy Policy: We will never sell, rent, lend, or give away your e-mail address to anyone for any reason. We will only use this e-mail address for MontyMail. New Files These streams of ones and zeroes are just itching to find a home on your computer! X-Words Deluxe 3.0 (Mac) Crosscards 3.0 (Mac) 3D Crazy Eights 1.0 (Mac) Active Lancer 1.0.1 Demo (Mac) Solace 1.0.4 Patch (Mac) Solace 1.0.4 Patch (Win) Solace 1.0.3 Demo (Mac) Solace 1.0.3 Demo (Win) Chess Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) 4 in a Row Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) 7th Fleet Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) Checkers Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) Go Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) Mancala Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) Reversi Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) Tic Tac Toe Deluxe 2.0.2 (Mac) Wingnuts: Temporal Navigator 1.2.5 Demo (Mac)	Monty Speaks: Happy Holidays Dear Readers, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I went to the Central Park Zoo where I made fun of all the other animals who didn't get to eat the big feast that Jen prepared. (She didn't get to eat it either, considering I snuck into the kitchen while she was chatting in the living room!) There is so much going on at Freeverse these days, ToySight is finished, X-Words and CrossCards now have net play, Burning Monkey Casino is shipping, we're revealing BumperCar and so much more. Sheesh! Everyone is working so hard and making such a racket I can't even nap on the floor in peace! Man, I love being a monkey sometimes. Monty Zuma Official Spokesmonkey Freeverse Software back to top ToySight Goes Gold! ToySight, the exciting new collection of games and toys you play by moving in front of your Mac, has officially gone gold! It's being boxed as I type! ToySight features a dozen interactive games and toys for one or two players. Instead of using a joystick, mouse, or keyboard, you maneuver in front of an iSight or other firewire camera to control the action. See yourself on the game screen, and use your arms to play. The software will be available at Apple resellers and at the Freeverse Store at a suggested retail price of US $34.95. Mac OS X Required! It's made by the creators of Airburst, so you know it's got to be good! Preorder your copy today! http://www.freeverse.com/toysight.mgi back to top Burning Monkey Casino shipping! Burning Monkey Casino is now shipping to Apple retailers near you! Burning Monkey Casino features five high-stakes games of chance and skill. Players select from up to eight animal avatars, and gamble with imaginary dollars or bananas* in five addictive games: Blackjack - Play with one to eight decks, and try to tie or beat the dealer in this traditional casino game. Poker - Eighteen variations of this five-card video game provide hours of enjoyment. Slots - Pass the time with 3-slot, 4-slot, and 5-slot games, with up to two holds. Big payouts are just a pull away! Scratch n' Win - Players can savor the experience of scratching lottery tickets, without all of the gummy residue to clean up. Pick from two instant win games, and use six different scratchers... including a Taco! 3-card Monty - The classic street game of finding the Queen is brought to life in vivid color. Keep your eye on the queen! Imaginary banana wagers available only in Video Poker and Slots. All other wagers are in imaginary U.S. dollars only. You may imagine that the dollars are from Canada or Hong Kong, but an imaginary agent of a state gaming commission and some imaginary guys that go by the names of "Solly" and "Fatso" will make sure you imagine otherwise. You can get this for US $19.95 at your favorite Mac software retailer, or from the Freeverse Store. http://www.freeverse.com/casino.mgi back to top X-Words Deluxe and Cross Cards 3.0 Ship Hey, word and card game fans! X-words Deluxe and Crosscards 3.0 are now available! With native OS X support, improved graphics and sounds, new opponents and incredible Internet play via GameSmith! If you're a fan of Scrabble(tm) and other word games, you'll love both of these games! X-Words Deluxe is a wordmaking game that features animated opponents, a number of different boards and "scenarios", special word lists for kids and experts, and even foreign language lists such as Manx and Gaelic. It also lets you customize anything - from your own game boards, word lists, and bonus words! CrossCards is what happens when you replace the letter tiles in X-Words Deluxe with playing cards. Build a good hand using your cards to score big points! You can also play against a number of animated opponents, and have the game recommend moves to you while you're learning how to play. Now that these games are up and running on Mac OS X, and you can find opponents on GameSmith, go download them! X-words Deluxe web page http://www.freeverse.com/xwords.mgi Crosscards web page http://www.freeverse.com/crosscards.mgi back to top Introducing BumperCar If you're a concerned parent who wants to have a little more say in where your child can go on the World Wide Web, we've got the web browser for you. Freeverse Software is proud to announce BumperCar, the most intelligent kid-friendly web browser available. BumperCar is an incredible mix of technology and design. Under the hood it uses WebCore and OmniWeb. WebCore is the same engine used by Safari, so web sites load, and load fast! Freeverse has licensed the award winning OmniWeb browser from the OmniGroup to ensure BumperCar's frame is both feature rich and an outstanding Mac OS X Cocoa application. Then, of course, Freeverse has brought it all together -- we've added the smart and fun features to make both parents and kids happy. BumperCar supports Internet Content Rating Association self-rated sites, has a built-in profanity filter, whitelists, and much more. It can even enforce a time limit, and can prevent uploading of personal data. On top of that, it comes with a number of games and other kid-friendly content built-in. We're planning on showing it at MacWorld San Francisco in January, so watch our web site for details. back to top Freeverse Gift Guide It's now December, and the gift-giving season has kicked into high gear. Whether you're shopping for someone young or old, there's a new game from Freeverse for everyone on your list. Here is a list of all of our recent software that comes in great-looking boxes, so you can wrap them before you give presents. 3D Bridge Deluxe - (Mac)* - Obviously, you should get this game for anyone who reads the Bridge column in the newspaper, or always asks if you'll play bridge with them. What sets this game apart from others is its online multiplayer capabilities. Instead of playing a flatter game against a computer, you can play against live people with an artistic and realistic-looking interface. Perfect for the Bridge lover on your list. 3D Crazy Eights (Mac) - Kids, moms, and dads, and even grandparents remember the joy of Crazy Eights. Much like the popular "Uno" game, Crazy Eights is an excellent gift for your favorite card game player. Play using the award-winning 3D interface against opponents online or against animated computer opponents. Active Lancer (Mac) - If you know anyone who grew up on vertical scrolling shooters in the arcades, on the original Atari 7800 and the Nintendo Entertainment System, as well as the later 16-bit consoles, you should get them Active Lancer. It'll have all the familiar aspects of the games they played back in the day, but with the advanced graphics, and a few new twists that you'd expect from a modern game. Probably not for anyone over 60. Active Lancer Soundtrack - For all you Active Lancer fans, we have a special CD just for you. The Active Lancer soundtrack by Digital Droo has all of the music, plus some loops for remixers! Now you can enjoy the music without worrying about dodging enemies! This CD is available at the Freeverse Store. Burning Monkey Casino (Mac) - Yes, the gamblers you know could go to any number of online offshore casinos, and wager real money. Or, you could make sure they're gambling imaginary money with Burning Monkey Casino. Whether your gambler wants to learn how to play 21, or is more interested in slot machines, this is the best game to buy for the person who has five minutes or five hours of free time a day. Burning Monkey Solitaire (Mac/Win) Also known as Burning Monkey Solitaire 3, you can call it Solitaire on overdrive or whatever you'd like. Get this for the Mac or Windows person you know that is spending way too much time playing the version of Solitaire that came with their computer. This one's better. Trust us, this one's better. Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire (Mac) Solace (Mac/Win) - This game is popular with women, and with people who play solitaire. Mahjong Solitaire is a tile-matching game complete with the humor you'll find in all of our games. (Win/Mac) - If you know anyone that goes specifically to game shops, or plays board games that nobody has heard of, they'll get the hang of Solace pretty quickly. Pitting two alliances against each other, the game of military strategy will provide hours of challenging entertainment. Don't expect to see this gamer at breakfast after they open the presents; he or she will be hammering away at the People of Tarth with archery and infantry. Look for these games at these great online stores, or at your favorite Macintosh software store: Apple Store \| Freeverse Store \| Amazon.com back to top Solace Updated to 1.0.4 Solace, the turn-based multiplayer game of strategic conquest, was updated to version 1.0.4 today. The 1.04 patch adds features, slightly rebalances gameplay, improves network play, and includes multiple bug fixes. For full details, please read the complete changelog. Also, Brad Custer of Inside Mac Games made a number of outstanding desktops inspired by Solace. Visit Inside Mac Games for a look at the design. If you have not tried Solace, why not download a demo today? You'll become absorbed in the strategy! http://www.freeverse.com/solace.mgi back to top What's Jen Cookin'? Hi again! You know, Santa must get really tired of milk and cookies. Think about it: all that milk sitting out has to upset his stomach, and at some point, every cookie begins to taste the same, despite whatever love may have been put into making it. So what can you do? Make Santa something different, something original. Something that will cause the taste buds to jump out of his mouth! Make him a guacotaco this christmas. He'll love the way it rhymes as he eats it. Given his penchant for lyrical poetry, he may even rhyme it in something that kids will remember for ages to come: Hey Dasher, Hey Prancer, hey elf guy named Rocco: Get over here now and taste this guacotaco! It's made of tortilla and green guacamole by people who know I hate just cookies only. Nice people have put variety in my palate while my elves hammer out toys with a mallet But this guacotaco makes sleighriding worth it when I could be hanging with smurfs, even smurfette. Some of you will notice that the recipe for the GuacoTaco was given in the poem above. You could improve it by adding salsa, pico de gallo, and whipped cream, but Santa isn't terribly picky. So if you don't have any of that, just use ketchup. Also, if you can't find a tortilla, you can smoosh a piece of bread, but it definitely won't be the same. There's also no subsititute for the guacamole in a guacotaco. You can have it without a real taco, but definitely not without real guacamole. Happy dining! Like this recipe? Forward it to a friend! back to top Freeverse Tip: Active Lancer Weapon Modes, part 2 Last time, we went over the five weapon systems in the Lancer suit. These systems are: Spread - weak shots that shoot at a wide angle. Plasma - medium strength shots with limited homing powers Laser - strong shots that go only forward. Dumb Bombs - explosives that hit the ground. Missiles - these can lock onto ground targets. You can also get air-to-air missiles if you collect the right upgrades. This article, along with more pictures, is continued on the Freeverse website. You may read it in its entirety by clicking on the link below: MontyMail Active Lancer Weapon Modes, Continued back to top Monkey Chuckles Two men and Monty died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates." Monty started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out all of Jen Carols's credit cards that he had taken to Vegas with him. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols's." OAKLAND, (CA)--Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Bill Callahan immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again. A woman walks into a pharmacy, strolls over to the counter, and catches the pharmacist's attention. "Can I please get some arsenic?" she asks. "Arsenic? What do you want arsenic for?" asks the pharmacist. "It's for my husband," she replies. "Your husband?" exclaims the pharmacist, "I hope you don't mean what I think you mean!" She just nods. "Well, lady," he replies, "I'm an honest man. I can't sell you arsenic, I wouldn't if I could, and I don't know what made you think you could just stroll into a respectable store and expect me me to sell you arsenic.!" She doesn't say a word. She just reaches into her purse, fishes out a photograph, and hands it across the counter. It is a picture of her husband, kissing the pharmacist's wife underneath the mistletoe at their office holiday party. Slowly the pharmacist looks up, over the counter, and then straight at her. "Lady," he says, "why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?" back to top
MontyMail is Copyright 2002-2003 Freeverse Software. Forwarding to close friends and colleagues is encouraged. Forwarding to large mailing lists probably helps us, but is not recommended. To unsubscribe from MontyMail, just follow this link: http://dev.freeverse.com/cgi-bin/mojo/mojo.cgi?f=u&l=news&e=example@example.com&p=1234 Click the link, or copy and paste the address into your browser.

MontyMail, Volume I, Issue 8

2003-09-23T04:53:11Z

Volume I, Issue 8
September 23, 2003

In this issue of MontyMail:

Monty Speaks
The egomaniac plugs himself

PointyStick Revealed
Exclusive Screenshots

Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire Goes Gold!
Tile matching fun is only days away!

Get into the Game, Part 2
Another chance to be laughed at by your friends

Development Update
Other games in the pipeline

What's Jen Cookin'?
Tasty, as always...

Freeverse Tip
3 more easter eggs revealed

Monkey Chuckles

Monty says:

August was overrated anyway.

In case you haven't visited in a while...

Freeverse.com
Your source for premium games via the Internet

Freeverse News
The latest news, instantly

Freeverse Downloads
Grab some more games to try

Freeverse Forums
Chat about our stuff!

Talkback

Write to us. We don't bite. We may even print your e-mail in another issue.
monty@freeverse.com

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We will never sell, rent, lend, or give away your e-mail address to anyone for any reason. We will only use this e-mail address for MontyMail.

New Files

These streams of ones and zeroes are just itching to find a home on your computer!

Solace 1.0.3 Patch (Mac)
Solace 1.0.3 Patch (Win)
Solace 1.0.3 Demo (Mac)
Solace 1.0.3 Demo (Win)
Chess Deluxe 2.0.1 (Mac)
4 in a Row Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
7th Fleet Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
Checkers Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
Go Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
Mancala Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
Reversi Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
Tic Tac Toe Deluxe 2.0 (Mac)
Wingnuts: Temporal Navigator 1.2.5 Demo (Mac)
X-Words Deluxe 2.2 (Mac)
Crosscards 2.2 (Mac)

Freeverse Recommends...

Burning Monkey Solitaire
The funkiest, monkiest solitaire Around! Only $18.99!

Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire
Tile matching, with more monkeys! Only $19.99!

3D Spades Deluxe
The most popular online card game, for Windows or Macintosh, only $24.95.

3D Hearts Deluxe
The best Hearts game for Windows or Macintosh, just $24.95.

Wipeout 2097
Extreme racing action for your Mac! Just $29.95.

Legion
Conquer Gaul today! Just $19.95.

Solace
Pick a side and fight to the end! Just $19.95.

Monty Speaks: You know me...

Dear Readers,

Howdy! By now, lots of you have seen me in my new game, Burning Monkey Solitaire 3. I'm having a blast hanging from my tail from that tree. But I keep losing my tacos and jujubees. If you find them, will you please let me know?

The most frequent question people ask me (besides "will you marry me?") is what games yours truly will be appearing in later this year. I'm going to be a very busy monkey this winter, making appearances in not only the upcoming Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire, but also 3D Crazy Eights and Burning Monkey Casino!

Wow. If Freeverse knew what they were getting into when they created me, they'd be intentional geniuses! Or is that genii? As long as it's not Gigli...

But the biggest news this time is a game that doesn't include me at all. If you've heard of our PointyStick project, we're spilling the beans on it in the next story, complete with screenshots! This collection of games for the iSight camera (or other webcams) will take Mac gaming where it has never been before: controllerless play!

Cheers,

Monty Zuma
Official Spokesmonkey
Freeverse Software

PointyStick Revealed

Remember how Tom Cruise controlled the computer in Minority Report? Well, it aint sci-fi anymore! Our secret PointyStick project is...

ToySight!

This collection of ten micro-games lets you use the Apple iSight or other webcam to put yourself right in the action. Motion-detection technology lets you control ToySight by waving your hands in front of the camera. Really, it's the coolest thing you've ever seen!

ToySight is being developed by the famous Fothergill brothers of Strange Flavour, (the folks who brought you Airburst), and games will include The Plank, Skydiver, ToyWar and more.

Mac-first, Mac-only... Look for ToySight in stores this holiday season!

Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire Goes Gold

Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire, our tile matching game, went "Golden Master" recently, meaning that it's being manufactured as we speak, and is headed for retailers around the country.

If you remember Gunshy, or Shanghai, or other tile matching games, you'll get a kick out of Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire. It works exclusively on Mac OS X, and features the Burning Monkey taste that adults have grown to love!

A downloadable demo will be posted online when one becomes available. In the meantime, you can preorder Burning Monkey Mahjong Soiltaire from Amazon.com or look for it at the Apple Store.

Get into the Game Contest, Part II

Freeverse is still committed to leading the way in game personalization. Last month, we announced the Get into the Game contest, and challenged you to send in recipes involving the name Monty.

Well, only one of you won that contest. Unfortunately, the computer that the winner sent the e-mail to is, to quote the propaganda minister from Saving Private Ryan, kaput. (This is why there was no MontyMail in August.)

If you think you are the winner, please send me an e-mail at monty@freeverse.com with the recipe. I will remember your recipe. When we hear from you, we can start making your easter eggs. Don't be shy. I remember your recipe, so I will know it's you when you write.

So why is this called Part II? It's because we're doing another player easter egg. To get yourself into one of our games, you don't have to send in a recipe this time. All you have to do is sign up for MontyMail. If you're reading this in your inbox, chances are that you already signed up!

Before the next issue, we'll pick one subscriber at random, and offer them the chance to get into the game! So sign up, and tell a friend or three.

Development Update

Remy, our army of one in Ithaca, recently posted an update on Freeverse titles scheduled to be released in fall of 2003 to the Freeverse News section.

Here's what he had to say:

A lot of people have been finding products of ours popping up on various retailer sites. Rather than face an endless barrage of "does this exist?", we've decided to nip it in the bud with this complete list of everything we've got in the works for this fall.

3D Crazy Eights
(no webpage yet)
Your favorite game as a kid makes its triumphant leap onto GameSmith! Play against all your favorite opponents or go online in this kid-friendly game using our 3D Deluxe Cards engine.

Active Lancer
http://www.freeverse.com/lancer.mgi
Join Lancer Squad, an elite team of flight capable soldiers, on their current mission to defeat the diabolical war machine of an alien army bent on taking over the universe. Taking the battle to the alien factories over the diverse landscapes of their home world, Active Lancer pits you (and a friend of you have need) against wave after wave of alien ships, tanks, boats, and gun turrets over 15 levels of increasing intensity. It's straight up vertical scrolling arcade shooter action.

Burning Monkey Casino
(no webpage yet)
Put your bananas where your mouth is! Challenge the Burning Monkey crew to games like Video Poker, Blackjack, and 3 Card Monty, plus more!

Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire
http://www.freeverse.com/bmmj.mgi
Monty, Jackie, and even more monkeys are heading to the Far East to challenge you in the most beautiful Mahjong Solitaire game on the market! Lots of layouts, helpful features, a soothing soundtrack, and Asian-themed monkey antics!

Secret Projects
ChewToy
_________________
Dan "Remy" Dickinson
Master Of All That Is Good

That says it all! Thanks, Remy!

What's Jen Cookin'?

Yo!

This was the month that the contest winner was supposed to have his recipe featured here. Unforunately, that's not the case this time.

As you may know, much of the northeastern United States and a good bit of Toronto in Canada was hit by a gigantic blackout last month. And this month, a hurricane hit the Mid-Atlantic region, leaving millions without power. So, I bet a lot of you are wondering what people eat during blackouts, aside from their neighbor's children.

Blackout Surprise

Qty	Ingredient
1	gigantic blackout that Canadians blame on Americans, and Americans blame on Canadians (or a Category 5 hurricane, downgraded to Category 2)
1 cup	chaos
15	flashlights, candles, or other sources of illumination that you can't find
15	stairs to fall down in the dark
some	jujubees
some	tacos
one	pet monkey, named Monty

Stage the Blackout. Try to make it happen while you are doing something important, to make it authentic.

In your location, when the lights go out, fumble for your flashlight or candle near the stairwell. Reach further toward the shelf until you are completely off balance.

Fall down the stairs, being careful not to injure yourself. You may want to contact a professional stunt performer for this part of the recipe.

When you land, pretend to break your ankle, and scream for help. Your pet monkey, Monty, will arrive and laugh at you. When he does, steal his jujubees and tacos, as long as you can find them.

Like this recipe? Forward it to a friend!

Freeverse Tip: More Burning Monkey Solitaire Easter Eggs

Did you know that you can activate most of the easter eggs of Burning Monkey Solitaire 3 without using keywords? Just try clicking in various places on the game screen, including eyes, teeth, and other elements that aren't so obvious.

Having fund looking for them? That's why they're called Easter Eggs.

Monkey Chuckles

You know you're in trouble in college when...

The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.

You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.

The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"

Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!

Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."

Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back!"

Monty went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," he told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to stupid monkeys," he replied.

He hurried home and put on a tuxedo, then went back to the store. Again, he told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to stupid monkeys," he replied.

Monty went home again and came back with ten of his friends, but they all wore goofy glasses. Then they all went to the store again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to stupid monkeys," he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know we're stupid monkeys?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

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MontyMail Newsletter

MontyMail Newsletter Volume III, Issue 3

In this issue of MontyMail:

Monty says:

In case you haven't visited in a while...

Talkback

Subscribe

Files

Monty Speaks:

X2: The Threat is coming in June!

Burning Monkey Solitaire 2005 Updated

Wingnuts 2 Progress

Monkey Chuckles

MontyMail, Volume II, Issue 2

In this issue of MontyMail:

Monty says:

In case you haven't visited in a while...

Talkback

Subscribe

New Files

Monty Speaks: I Should Have Been a Viking

Northland Shipping

ToySight Reviewed in Washington Post

3D Card Games Updated

More updates

What's Jen Cookin'?

Freeverse Tip: Burning Monkey Solitaire!

Monkey Chuckles

MontyMail, Volume I, Issue 10

In this issue of MontyMail:

Monty says:

In case you haven't visited in a while...

Talkback

Subscribe

New Files

Monty Speaks: Happy Holidays

ToySight Goes Gold!

Burning Monkey Casino shipping!

X-Words Deluxe and Cross Cards 3.0 Ship

Introducing BumperCar

Freeverse Gift Guide

Solace Updated to 1.0.4

What's Jen Cookin'?

Freeverse Tip: Active Lancer Weapon Modes, part 2

Monkey Chuckles

MontyMail, Volume I, Issue 8

In this issue of MontyMail:

Monty says:

In case you haven't visited in a while...

Talkback

Subscribe

New Files

Freeverse Recommends...

Monty Speaks: You know me...

PointyStick Revealed

Burning Monkey Mahjong Solitaire Goes Gold

Get into the Game Contest, Part II

Development Update

What's Jen Cookin'?

Freeverse Tip: More Burning Monkey Solitaire Easter Eggs

Monkey Chuckles