So, the good mood continues unflinchingly... It's so odd being genuinely happy, not just temporarily. Yes, I know, one could say that EVERYTHING'S temporary, from our moods to our physical casing, always changing, never the same forever. I even believe that to a degree. Yet, I think that people have some control over what's temporary and what isn't. For instance, my previous 7ish years of apathy, internal anger and varying degrees of depression were temporary, but not intrinsically temporary. I didn't just sit back while the bad situation fixed itself, because, after all, "all things are temporary." I'm doing well because I identified problems and systematically made changes; some difficult changes, but they're the ones that have paid off the most. So, now that I'm happy and know what it is that fosters such happiness, I can actively try to maintain it. Though, I think "succeed" is more appropriate than "try."
Anywho, I used the term, "genuinely happy" back before I got into my little tangent on the nature of "temporary." I've been happy before, obviously. I'm happy when my writing's published. I'm happy when I score a new iPod or shiny piece of hardware. I'm happy when I get a new game (unless it's The Sims, those games just fill me with an abject hatred for gaming). I'm happy on any number of occasions, but... happiness related to such things wears off rather quickly. Games get old, iPods get outdated in ten minutes and after a week, nobody gives a fuck that I reviewed the Mac version of C&C: Generals, including myself. However, the way I feel now is completely different. Life's not about "stuff," it's about people, experiences and experiences in the company of people. The latter, to me, is the most important. Sharing experiences with someone who completely matters to me is greater than hanging out in the green room (which is actually yellow) at Letterman or getting shuttled to the front at a Jobs keynote. I mean, sure, those were fun experiences, but to me personally, they're pretty meaningless in a big picture kind of way. I didn't think to myself the last time I was in the hospital (which was many years ago), "well, if this goes bad, at least I saw Steve Jobs intro the Cube." I've never been lonely at 3 AM and been comforted by the fact that Hot Jeff from Aspyr really liked the big M&M cookies when we all went to the Late Show. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful for such experiences, they were very cool, but... I could take or leave them and it wouldn't matter to me in the grand scheme of my life. The first time I went to a movie without a member of my family; that meant something. Throwing out all my old clothes and going out with my assistant to try on (I never really picked out and tried things on) a new look of my own desire; that meant something. The first time I met Sara; that meant something. Holding Sara under the stars at the beach; that meant something. I look back on all of the previous and I feel happy. I know that more of such things are ahead and I feel happy. I'm just happy, I can't put it any other way. I like that I don't miss the comfort in being sad...
Thank you Nirvana, gg.
Posted by Mike at April 25, 2006 11:12 AM