February 27, 2004
Whenever I fall at your feet
The Hub left me this week. Somehow, Boston is more of a draw. Still, I think the paycheck he receives has a lot to do with his motivation. Whenever he goes away I take this illicit opportunity to sleep with my favorite guy and gal. It upsets The Hub to no end, I just can't help myself, they are *SO* cute. More than likely, they are the only two whose real names I can post without getting into big trouble.
darling Oso
Wiggle Worm Ixtapa
They are so fabulous that I even let them sneak under the blankets when Kevo isn't home. Who wouldn't?
I would gladly live in sin and sleep with Oso, Ixtapa, AND the Hub, but he will have none of it. Of course, when he is gone, we go with the Navy on a strict, Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy.
Because she can't get her frickin' mind off High School
I am not funny.
In High School as the newspaper Co-Editor, I was in charge of the Real News and Opinion, while jokester Scott whats-his-name was in charge of Entertainment and Sports. I once tried a movie review and he mocked me endlessly.
When I sit down to give you an in-depth view of the k©ThoughtProcess, I get bitter, I get unhappy view. Things in this world don't go well. I choose irony over humor. A well-told story, with proper detail (but not too much!) is far, FAR more important, I tell you.
Amazingly, I *kill* in real life, I have had people say I should be in comedy (ok, just one person, and she likely needs to seek therapy, but STILL). KILL, I say, KILL, KILL. Ok, hold on, I was channeling Arlo Guthrie.
Tough, isn't it?
February 25, 2004
I had a much longer post in mind, but so little time
Just call me a copycat. I don't forward jokes (more or less), I don't fill out those get-to-know-you things (anymore), I don't take email quizzes based on which dessert I like best (they never have the right dessert, anyway), AND I wasn't even going to do this. But then I Step 1: Opened my mp3 player; Step 2: Put it on random play (I seriously never do this); and my next most logical Step 3 would have been to look at the list and laugh and say, "No effin' WAY am I posting this!"
Yet......when I looked at the list, I thought it was....well,hilarious and a little embarrassing and it fits into my "able to post a message time slot" So here, officially, is Step 3: List the first ten songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.
1. Black Eyed Peas & (GASP!) Justin Timberlake - Where Is The Love? (guilty pleasure, sometimes I turn this on repeat and listen to it 10 or 20 times in a row)
2. Feature Cast - Channel Surfing (Remix) (damn you Peter Cohen)
3. Train - Your Every Color (Ewwwwww, I ended up buying this when I also got the "Calling all Angels, another very guilty pleasure..but really, I HATE THEM!)
4. The Roches - Mr. Sellack (finally, a little Indie cred, now that I have killed all credibility anyway)
5. Annie Lennox- Honestly (you know, it is cheaper to buy the WHOLE album)
6. Annie Lennox- Loneliness (isn't this supposed to be random?)
7. Elliott Smith - Needle In The Hay (repeat 5,000 times)
8. Neil Finn - Fall At Your Feet
9. Alison Krause & Gillian Welch - I'll Fly Away
10. Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs- Maps
Honorable Mention: The Jesus and Mary Chain - Just Like Honey (Because I live, eat, drink, sleep, and think about "Lost In Translation" and this song was in my head for a week after the movie.)
Confession - I got halfway through my list and realized I was on the "purchased music" section rather than the whole list, so I went to the whole list and tried to sort it....and it DIDN'T WORK, dammit. So I just finished the list with a random assortment of my "top 25 played" because I can't be bothered to re-type this.
Lastly, as a manager (and let's just be honest, my entire career as a waiter, too) I have to stay on top of all the details. I notice when people don't refill the things they ought to, or put things away like they should, and the sheer repetition of stupidity makes me cranky. In fact, it makes me bitchy. I am hard on people, but much harder on myself. Perfection isn't unattainable, people. However, for sheer badassness, I bow my head to this girl. I blame her for my total lack of sleep today, those archives are KILLERS!
Oh! oh, I almost forgot pornolize your favorite site! I porno'd my ""About" section of Norton Ink and laughed my big fat ass off.
Sigh, so much for a short post, now I am not only sleep deprived, but more than likely late for work!
February 23, 2004
there's really nothing more to say
Freaky CO male ISO freakier women to set up commune
Look while you can, apparently he is taking the site down, soon.
February 22, 2004
My kitchen would be incomplete without these 2 things
Take one good helping of this:
Add a dose of this:
3 hours later, take out of the oven:
- Baked brie with honey and almonds
Spinach salad with spicy pecans, dried cranberries, and bleu cheese with a sherry vinaigrette
Homemade ravioli with an herbed cheese filling, and a leek, garlic, white wine, lemon, and butter sauce
Chocolate pots de creme
provecho!
February 21, 2004
Mistake #1 (AV that is)
A wine rep of mine came in the other day, after she had been on a week's vacation (I will call her S to preserve her identity). So I asked her how it was.
"Awful. Totally, horribly awful," she said.
She went on this vacation with her current beau, and this other couple, who started out as his friends, and, as it goes, became friends with her as well. S and this man had been dating for about 5 years. A year ago, he moved from Seattle to San Francisco for a work thing, but they decided to give the LD thing a go. He flew up and stayed the weekend with her, at her place. Then on Sunday the other couple, Long-Distance Boy Friend, and S drive two cars up to a remote cabin up in Canada.
Mind you, he had spent the whole weekend with S so far. Monday dawns and he decides to tell S that he thinks they should split. MONDAY! Like he couldn't just keep his mouth shut until the last day they were together, or as S says, "or just not come at ALL."
I have to say that S deserves sainthood for putting on a brave face and trying to make the most of her vacation after that. Especially because LDBF guy proceeds to alienate not just S, but the friends as well by acting like a complete, irrational psycho the rest of the week. This is already going to be a hugely long post, so I won't go into details, but clearly this guy was either off his regular meds, or pulled a Rush Limbaugh. (I am not clear on the details, but somehow there was a cat at the cabin, must have been the friends' cat?) Anyway, one morning S was cuddled up with the cat, LDBF gets up all snarly and yells, "You're both blanket hogs!" Then turns and points directly at the cat, "and YOU SNORE!!!!!" and storms out of the room.
According to S, this is apparently the best way to get over a relationship. Spend a week in close quarters with that person after you have broken up. "Poof! All feelings are gone, I mean, how can I love someone who is CLEARLY insane?"
Which got me thinking about my first major relationship mistake. I wish it had been that easy to recover.
Of course, we are talking AV (after virginity) here. DV (during virginity) my mistakes would all be the same. Mistakes 1-1,000,000 DV went this way: I developed a crush on someone, made moon eyes at them (in my head, I think), thought every love song on the radio was about them, figured they couldn't like a troll like me, then repelled them with my brainiac meanness. Why again was it that I couldn't get a date in High School?
Thank god for college, though. You get away from the family, you find yourself, get a job, get some confidence..........ahhhhhhhh. Damn, I loved college. If it wasn't for that pesky homework crap, I might have stayed there forever.
So, mistake #1 actually starts DV. My virginity was a lot like myself in High School, unwanted. I was waiting tables at that faux-italian place downtown (waiting tables, incidently, is the *BEST* birth control ever invented) and taking the bus from the U District, since I didn't have a car. I was fairly new, and on a trip to work I saw a fellow Spagger on the bus. He was brand-spankin' new, and for some reason I got a little shy and didn't talk to him. I think it was because when I first saw him, I gave him that "I know you look" and it wasn't returned.
However, that didn't stop me from talking to him about it when we got to work. "Hey, I saw you on the bus, but I didn't say hi because I wasn't sure if it was really you." We struck up a friendship, due to our newness and it was fun and a little flirty. It was definitely going somewhere. One night he asked me over to dinner at his place. I had to work that night, but I thought I was getting off fairly early, "Maybe after work?"
"No problem," he said
Of course, it ended up being slamming that night, and I didn't get to his place until after 10. It was cool though, he made a beans and rice dish that was quite good, and we had.....beer? wine? Lordy, I don't even remember. We talked forever and ever. I had been kinda watching the clock, knowing the bus schedule. I kept putting off leaving because it was so much fun talking and hanging out. Suddenly, SHIT, the last bus of the night had left, and I was stranded. I didn't relish walking home after 1am on a Sunday night, especially as I lived a good 3 miles from there. Tim just said, "No problem, you can just sleep here, in my bed, nothing will happen."
That seemed cool, and really I expected NOTHING to happen. My college friends, who were boys, and I did this ALL THE TIME. Seriously. We would be studying, get tired, and hey....let's just go to sleep! Silly, naive kerewin. Let's just say I went from DV to AV that evening. It wasn't any big deal to me, I was tired of "Being Virginated" and here was an easy opportunity. I had found, in the past, that revealing this to some guy you were fooling around with was a good way to end the evening. Cold. Flat. Boring. So, I never told Tim. It seemed a moot point.
Well, at least I can say my first time wasn't awful. At the time, I thought it was pretty decent, but looking back with more experienced eyes, I would say it was okay, but not spectacular. I think I was more involved in paying attention to how I felt than how Tim felt, and for all I know he ended that night thinking, "Jesus, what a lousy lay." My little subterfuge didn't work however, because the next day we were hanging out and he said, "Did I hurt you last night?"
Hmm....how the hell to answer that question? "Ummm, no, umm, not really.....why?"
"Oh, there was just some blood and I was worried."
So, I had to tell him I was all Virginated and stuff and he got all worried (men are SO stupid). He thought I was in love with him! feh. While I was not in love with him, and I considered him a bit of an experiment, I was ready to keep experimenting. That was fun! Let's do that again! AGAIN! AGAIN!!
"Tim, it wasn't any big deal. I had something I didn't want anymore, and you made it easy. I don't want to, you know, consider us girlfriend and boyfriend, and all. If you want to just move on, no big deal. However, I would kind of like to keep sleeping together, but if we do, I just want to know that you aren't sleeping with other people, for safety."
He agreed, and for a month or so, we experimented, you know, in the name of science. Tim became the first guy, but by no means last, who wondered if I was some sort of nympho. Apparently a female wanting to have sex is rare. (Side note: boys, here's some advice, WOMEN LIKE SEX, get more on the ball, if they don't like sex with you, maybe you need some tips.) I had my "let's not give each other any diseases" thing and Tim had his "let's not tell anyone atwork so as to maintain our privacy" thing.
Stupid, stupid, naive kerewin.
It was so much fun to work with someone you were having a private fling with! Especially for the other person, because it still gave him an open playing field. Not that I knew it at the time. After a month or so, he broke it off saying, "I think you are getting too serious." Oh, Tim, you were never my boyfriend, but you will always be my First Ex.
We engaged in a couple of post breakup nighttime experiments (just twice,and just in the first few weeks after our "breakup"). We still worked together. We were still friends.
Fast forward to 5 months later, I went to England on my Spring break, with a cheap student ticket and some of my student loan money. I had a fabulous, unfortunately sex-free, time. I met this hottie-patotie Greek on the plane over, and I think something might have happened there, but my friends picked me up at the airport right before we set a meetup....oh well. Probably best. So I get home and my best friend (also a Spagger) picks me up at the airport. I can't even think why but she tells me she gave Tim a ride home from work one of the nights I was gone and he told her that I was still in love with him.
PARDON???? I was never in love with him. Ever.
He apparently also invited her in for a drink and..........
She said, "no,thanks."
I get back to the apartment and my roomie, another Spagger (who was my matron-of-honor at my wedding and is my true best friend, ever) tells me, "Hey, Tim called me the day you left and asked me over for dinner."
The next day I hang out with another friend Celeste, another Spagger...sigh. She asked me to bring her back some real British hard cider. Well, Celeste actually slept with Tim while I was gone. It was as if he picked the 3 people closest to me and tried to sleep with them all. And *did* sleep with one of them! Here's the part you must have seen coming, he didn't want me to tell people at work we were sleeping together, because he was sleeping with a few OTHER PEOPLE, while we were sleeping together. Even the boss.
This is when I found out that I had loved Tim. Or something. I had a soft spot, I was a fool, something. Because I felt so shit upon. I felt like someone jumped up and down on my heart. How could I be so fucking stupid? However, my hatred was like a cleansing fire for my heart. It blew all that love out, and burned it down. What a total bastard. To make myself feel better, I told myself, "at least I was first, at least I wasn't the 3rd or 4th person he slept with here, at least I didn't know ahead of time."
Yet, I got mine back. I found out his stalker method of befriending new waitresses and sleeping with them before everyone told them he was a scumbag. So, if I saw him talking to some new girl, I would just pull them aside later and tell them what a male slut he was. I killed his sex at that restaurant.
It felt sooooo good.
We hated each other, and we continued working together for at least a year after that. Two lessons in one! Don't let someone keep your relationship a secret, and never date at work!
Useless trivia #1: While thinking about this past history, it dawned on me that all this happened early October 1993. The hub and I had our first date October 2, 1996. Dear god, that wasn't the same date as my "first" was it? Now, thanks to google, I know that the date of my first was actually October 3, whew! Missed it by a day. (Although, technically it happened after midnight, so it was really October 4)
Useless trivia #2: Yes, yes, I was 22, almost 23 when I went from DV to AV. I told you no one wanted it when I was in H.S.!
Useless trivia #3: Spagger n. A person who works at the Old Spaghetti Factory. More than likely a drunk, or completely bitter and mean.
February 20, 2004
Your Own Personal Jesus
Freaking your shit out for 80 years
My Mom's crazy too, but not like THIS!
Just get a Nuk, would you?!?!?!
February 17, 2004
As if to do something interesting
Silvan Ridge Grenache Rosé was great! Very light and dry with a real strawberry taste. However, their Hinman Riesling was just a little boring for me, as was their Pinot Gris, which I think had some residual sugar added to it...blah! I like it dry.
Their Pinot Noir was very blah, not that earthy chewy taste I love so much, but apparently in the Spring they are releasing a reserve version that is a lot more like I care for, so I look forward to that.
Their Rogue Valley Syrah had that glycerin/petroleum flavor that is so prevalent in Washington Syrahs.......I guess if you want a wine to completely cover your palate so that you can't taste anything after one sip, you go crazy with your bad self, I just prefer somerthing a little more austere.
The Hinman Rogue Red was decent, especially for the price, a nice solid bottle, again a real fruit bomb, as you would expect from such a hot climate, but not disgustingly so. Still, the real standout is the Silvan Ridge Merlot, I could have sworn it had some Cab Sauv in it cause it had a nice chocolately tone.
The most unique and interesting wine they have is the (slightly frizzante) Muscat. A lighter muscat, with a little tingle on the tongue, it was a real delight, and it comes in these adorable .500ml bottles that might be just perfect for the wine list at the restaurant!
They are a small winery with a lot of different wines, so they are hard to get ahold of...something to look for, expecially to surprise people with an Oregon wine with a different Oregon taste.
Still if you really like classic Oregon Pinot Noir, watch this site and I might list a few faves.
February 12, 2004
Amateur Weekend
Amateur
adj.
- 1. Of or performed by an amateur.
- 2. Made up of amateurs: an amateur cast.
- 3. Not professional; unskillful.
This might be you if:- You are calling today for dinner reservations for this weekend (yes, including Friday and Sunday)
If you are dining out this weekend.......at all
- You are calling today for dinner reservations for this weekend (yes, including Friday and Sunday) If you are dining out this weekend.......at all
So, you say you don't want to be an amateur? (Or, you just forgot to make rezzies and you are shut out.) Here's a relationship saving technique. Get your ass to Blockbuster NOW - that's why they have 5 day rentals - and rent the gooiest chick flick you can get your hands on.
Next, buy a bottle of wine (this is where you know if your honey likes red or white...heck splurge on some Champagne!). Some chocolate wouldn't hurt either, and I am not talking Hershey's.
Last, cook for your honey! Barring that, call up a *NICE* restaurant and at least order pickup. Domino's is a definite deal-breaker.
What, you ask, am I doing with the Hub for Vday? Working. The. Whole. Frickin'. Weekend. Thank you, Hallmark! However, I have worked in the industry for a long time now, 12 years, thank you very much. This isn't new news to me, or the Hub.
When we had our first together/nottogether Valentine's Day Kevo asked me if I minded being apart, and this is what I said:
"Screw Romance......always go for the MONEY!"
So with a fat wad of cash on Monday, I am taking my honey to dinner.
February 09, 2004
Moving on up...to the eastside
Ok, here I am in the new digs. Posts will be moving. Someday I will figure out how to change colors and add pictures, etc but for now, I will just busy myself with moving all the entries from the old place. Sigh.....moving sucks. *wink*
I'd like to give a shout out to all my homes.......oh wait, this isn't a concert. Thanks Remy for the space to screw myself in print much easier.
And a quick birthday recap:
food bites were:
- mango/cantaloupe salsa (with tortilla chips, of course)
- pico de gallo
- guacamole
- cheese and black bean quesadillas
- chocolate fondue (green apples, bananas, and pound cake)
- cheese fondue (totally screwed it up because the damn sterno was too hot)
- baked brie with honey and almonds
- caesar salad
- pesto marinated baked chicken breast
Gifts were pretty rocking (mostly wine) and fun pinball times were had by all.
Until I have more water and coffee that's about as much as you are going to get out of me.
February 02, 2004
How I didn't save the world by ignoring assholism
A couple of weeks ago, we had a group of ten come into the restaurant. The first couple there brought a canvas bag that looked rather full and there was a bottle of wine on top. As I was taking them to their table, I asked what wine they brought. The man takes out a very nice bottle of Walla Walla red and we talk a little about that and then he asks about corkage, which at my restaurant is $15/per bottle. He whistles a little and tells me that is steep. Whatever.
The rest of the group comes, and as it is a busy Saturday night I don't really have time to pay attention. I do notice them getting a little rowdy, however, and I always see everyone's glass about a third full. So I ask their server how many wines they have gone through and he says, "well they haven't ordered anything off the list and I only opened that one bottle." Hmmmmmm, interesting. So I make a casual pass by the table, yup, it was a different bottle than they originally had, I would have picked it up and taken it, but there was a skosh left in it, and that's pretty much against the rules.
Now that I started paying attention, I noted that they are careful to leave a bit in the bottle, so it didn't get removed. Apparently when they were done with one they carefully opened another under the table and swapped. Not only this, but they made sure to do it with no one watching. At the end of the evening, they put the original bottle back on the table.
So here's the thing. Jesus, there are so many things, but they KNEW coming into this event that they were going to do this. They had the canvas bag with all the wine in it, but hidden, they had to have had a wine key to open the bottles and they even were detail oriented enough to swap it back to the original bottle. All and all, it was fairly disgusting to see. People really have a way of making me ill.
If I had been their waiter, I would have just poured off the rest of the wine, and pulled the bottle off the table. Thereby forcing their lie into the open. Since I was so busy with the rest of the restaurant that night, I didn't have a chance to really notice until the end of their meal. As we are on the higher end of fine dining, I also didn't want to make a scene. It was one of the cheapest, most disgusting displays I have ever witnessed in a restaurant, though. That's a big statement for someone who has been in the industry for 12 years.
cheap ass mutha fuckas