April 20, 2004
I-D-A-H-O, Idaho! Idaho! Go, Go, Go!
So I went to Idaho and I survived to tell the tale. The funeral ended up being Wednesday, so I worked Tuesday evening and then drove to Spokane after. Luckily, my sister decided she could go along as well and I had company. A major side bonus is that she has the same music fetish as I do, which is to play a favorite song some fifty times in a row, while singing along. The next morning we got up and followed my brother to Sandpoint. I haven't ever driven there on my own before, but we as a family we went there a lot. So it was a little surreal seeing all those same places I had seen many times before, yet with fresh eyes, like it was the first time.
Grandma was actually cremated so it wasn't a funeral, but more of a service, I am just using the handy term because it clarifies so much. There isn't a ton of money to rub together on that side of the family so they held it at the local VFW because apparently Gma was involved somehow with them way back when. We got there and let me tell you, I haven't seen so many sweater dresses since the '80s. A large room, with lots of long cafeteria-style tables and metal fold-up chairs, I wondered if we were at a local AA meeting.
And the relatives, oh the relatives! Cousins upon cousins, with passel-loads of children. The aforementioned sweater dresses, not to mention lots of bad perms, there were many a home dye-job as well, why does it always have to be blonde? The men went out of their way to dress up in style. If by style you mean khaki pants, short sleeve dress shirts, white tube socks, black dress "tennies" and polyester ties. If they were handing out best dressed awards, it would have been me, my sister, and our cousin Mary in first, second, and third. Everyone else would have tied for last.
I should mention that my cousins Mary and Tina, who are daughters of the Aunt who is not-to-be-named in my mother's presence, live over on this side of the state and have kept in touch. They are really cool, and we all get along fabulously. We have all worked really hard in our lives to not fall into the trap of our forefathers. No out-of-wedlock kids for us, no divorces, ok, ok divorces, but not the 4 or more of others.
Since there had been the whole family falling-out thing between Mom and her sisters, I was amazed at the friendly welcome I received from my Aunts. All the grandkids (and Daughters) that lived in Sandpoint were passing around roses, to signify being immediate family and I felt rather slighted that no one thought about giving any to the family that travelled the distance. Then I looked at their bad shoes and passel-loads of kids, and let it go. The $100 an event pastor started it out, read the obituary that was printed in the paper (little piece of advice: try a practise run through before you do it in front of a crowd), sang Amazing Grace, and let the floor open up for commentary.
The Grandma these people talked about never existed in my life, and I have to guess that it was equal parts rose-colored glasses, and part and parcel of my grandma treating all of her kids differently. I was just about to get up and talk about all the old times at the lake, all the card games, the fishing, the walks, the snails we found, the old inner tubes, sifting the sand at the beach to get rid of the rocks......and then the pastor ended commentary. I have it all in my heart, though. It still exists there.
Then we got down to the nitty gritty. We all went back to Gma's place and were looking through photos. Now I know you can surmise from all my description before, that there weren't a lot of expensive things to fight over, there was no fat bank account. Turns out it doesn't matter. My Grandma collected a lot of shit in her life and apparently people were willing to fight over it. I say, throw that crap in a pile and start a fire, or have a yard sale, but noooooooooo. It came down to winning one last time and it was rather sickening to see. We all had to make the sojourn to the little apartment, and receive our special item. This is what I received:
The best part is that it had candy in it, which they tossed out, but never washed! Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Unfortunately, I washed it before I took the pictures. You can still see the dirt residue that I tried to wash off. Those crevices are tricky!
All the cousins sat around and made fun of the Aunts and all the crap we were forced to take home. It was lovely to see that as adults, we can toss off our parents' baggage, and get along. Despite their shite taste in clothes, they turn out to be funny, nice people. Who knew? The real motherload that I got to take home were all the school pics my Grandmother had of all of us kids. My mom already has copies so now they are mine! Well, H-star gets to keep hers, of course, but I have them for now because I have the scanner.
Now the dirt to dish. You wonder if it could get any worse, and of course, it can. One cousin, we'll call her .....hell, I dunno, Cousin #1. Cousin #1 had a child when she was 15, then another one at 16, and one last one at around......oh, 18. All different fathers. Never married. Horribly sad. Well, her oldest daughter who is all of 18 just had her own little girl. Now my cousin is a grandmother at 34. Thirty-FOUR. My sister will have her first child in September, when she is 34. Her child will be younger than our cousin's grandchild! Gross detail, cousin #1 has a mouth full of blackened teeth. All together now, "Ewwwwwwwww."
Since we haven't exactly been exchanging letters, some cousins were surprised to find out I was married. Cousin #2 asked me why I would want to do such a thing as he had tried it twice before and never found it to work out. He's 28 and has 2 kids 8 and 7, each from different moms. So he apparently got married had a kid, divorced, remarried, had a kid and got divorced in little over 2 YEARS. Hello? What are they putting in the water over in Idaho, anyway?
After the funeral, we drove home, and had a nice family meal together and then played games until bedtime. I guess when people die, you can make happy memories.
Posted by kerewin at April 20, 2004 10:56 AM